One thing this blog entry is NOT - a spiritual odyssey. The sole reason for this would be that the following are lessons that I have learnt in MY lifetime… and I am unashamed to boldly say that I don’t have even a smattering of spirituality in me. That said and done, I shall proceed with my latest entry – Life's Lil' Lessons! Basically these are a few lessons that I learnt through my own experiences and experiences of those around me, most of them are humourous. These are lessons you would NEVER come across in a book like “A Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” (Ok that was just an allusion).
Kindly note: I did not learn these very practical lessons in the same order as below. I have randomly entered them and numbered them for my own convenience.
Lesson #1:
Always check if your pants are zipped before you walk out of the house.
How I learnt this valuable lesson you ask? Well its simple enough… I forgot to zip up my pants one fateful evening when I walked to Food World across my house. I was just walking around blithely enough, picking up groceries for mum and mentally ticking them off the list I held in my hand. It was the second time I was walking past the grocery section since I still hadn’t found most things on that blessed list and it was then that my neighbour’s middle-aged maid spotted me and instead of a casual smile or sign of recognition, she ended up pointing at my groin and yelling “JIP (zip) MA, JIPPU (zip-pu)” from the other end of the grocery section. Ah well… a lesson well learnt by me and everyone else present within earshot! Thank you lady.
Lesson #2:
When you’re in a chemistry lab, it’s advisable to avoid sniffing the contents of your test tube, especially when one of them is concentrated sulphuric acid.
Hmmm… this was one of the things I learnt the “Devathi way” (which is basically much speedier than the wrong way). The 11th Science class was having practicals up in the chem lab and I was standing at my usual position (first row, back facing the teacher). We were doing a salt analysis experiment and I happened to come across the Ethyl Acetate Test in my procedure sheet (I still hadn’t committed it to my memory though we were required to). I wasn’t able to detect any other of the ions, so I thought I might as well give this a try. I begin to read and do simultaneously…
Ethyl Acetate Test: To a pinch of the mixture add a few drops of ethyl alcohol and concentrated sulphuric acid (I finally manage to find ethyl alcohol on the side shelf and do as required) Heat and pour the contents into a beaker containing sodium carbonate solution (I think I poured it the other way round, I’m still unsure). NOTE THE SMELL (See… I wasn't being ludicrous… the procedure clearly says you should NOTE THE SMELL!)
So I bring the test tube close to my face and take a whiff, not knowing what kind of odour I’m supposed to be anticipating. I can’t smell anything (nose block), so I bring it a wee bit closer. Ah.. I faintly smell something.. and hissssss…. The acid spurts out of the test tube and decides to corrode my clueless face. Aargh… I run to the washbasin and try washing it off. Oh no.. it won’t stop burning through my skin… Aargh.. get this off me now!! The lab assistant finally applies some Burnol on the patches of charred skin to soothe it.. the burning sensation faded, but unfortunately I couldn’t rid myself of the damned scars that easily.
Lesson #3:
When your dentist is a complete dick, the best way to pay him back is by biting his finger when it’s in your mouth…by biting down hard.
Come on, it’s ok to be a little vindictive sometimes, especially when your dentist is least bothered about looking where he jabs his sharp-ended instruments (usually the upper palate and the gums) and focuses more on arguing with your dad about politics.
Lesson #4:
When you are having a cataclysmic fight with an older sibling, don’t stab the hell out of them with a sharply pointed pencil… I think it hurts. Lol.
Yeah I do think it hurts… I was too young to understand why my sister was infuriated further after I stabbed her with a pencil. Now I presume that it must’ve hurt.
Lesson #5:
Tricycles canNOT scale walls, despite what they show in cartoons.
Ouch.. this one hurt.. a lot. Again, it was learnt the ‘Devathi way’, after I got my skull cracked trying to vertically scale a wall in my house on my cousin brother’s tricycle. Geez… I’m guessing it was too much Cartoon Network for me back then. *sigh*
Lesson #6:
When your older sister is walking into a men’s restroom unknowingly, it is rather entertaining to watch and laugh, but remember to do so at a distance lest you should be physically injured by her.
I need not say more.
Lesson #7:
When you are of the age four and have still not learnt to swim, you shouldn’t abandon the florid floating tube your parents put you in and try to act a whole lot bigger than your age. You will inevitably drown.
Yeah… that was my first drowning experience and my mum had to jump into the pool to drag me out.
Lesson #8:
If you have drowned at the age of four and still haven’t learnt how to swim, you should not be on a water slide leading to the deep end of a pool.
I guess lesson #7 wasn’t of much value to me and I learned nothing from it. The result was that I was drowning for the second time in my life and this time a waiter had to throw the tray he was holding and jump into the pool, fully-clothed, in order to save me.
Phew.. drowning is one unique experience.. you see the crystal blue water surging around you (if the pool is clean!) as you make futile attempts and desperate gesticulations to try to get to the surface to breathe. The sight is pretty in way though.. the tiny air bubbles escaping from your mouth as you gasp and a mouthful of chlorinated water is forcing itself down your throat and lungs and the sudden sharp clarity with which you see the tiles at the bottom.
Lesson #9:
If you have had two drowning experiences already, it’s about time you went for a few swimming lessons because swimming isn’t as easy as it seems on Baywatch.
Ummm… I was still a juvenile idiot and was inspired to give swimming another shot after watching a few Baywatch episodes and imitating the lifeguards swimming on my bed. Well, everything’s not as easy as it seems.. and this time, it was another kid in the pool who saved my life.
Lesson #10:
If you happen to be inexorably deranged like myself and decide to set a handful of snow spray on fire, know this first – snow spray is inflammable.
This I discovered during my cousin’s birthday. I happened to get my hands on a snow spray can and sprayed a lot of it onto my palm. My cousin and his friend were playing with one of the candles on the cake, so I came up with a bright idea… why not try to set the snow spray on my palm on fire?! My hand was ablaze in a few milliseconds and I desperately tried to douse it out my shaking it off. Unbelievably, the blazing snow spray just slid off my hand and continued burning on the ground.
Lesson #11:
The laws of physics are universally applicable.
I remember reading once that in an elastic collision, if a massive body and a proportionally smaller body collide, the smaller body will recoil with the velocity of the massive body and the latter will continue to move in the same direction with an unchanged velocity (or something along those lines, physics isn’t really my thing). Well what do you know? It’s true!! Jayalakshmi (the massive body) took my precious black Adidas sipper bottle and ran away to go assault someone with its contents by throwing it on them. I (the comparatively teeny-weeny body), fearing the fate of my bottle ran after her and ended up directly in her path. I did not know what hit me then. All I knew was that I was reeling backwards and losing my balance, I ended up on the dusty floor (with broken ribs!) while Jayalakshmi continued running as though she’d merely gotten a fly out of her way.
Lesson #12:
If you’re in a wave pool with your girlfriends and you notice that you are completely surrounded by guys, it’s about time you realized that you are on the wrong side.
During our school excursion to Mumbai in the 11th, Water Kingdom happened to be on the itinerary and a few friends and I got into the wrong side of the wave pool, completely oblivious to it until the lifeguard announced it over a microphone. Hmmm… was rather embarrassing!
Lesson #13:
When you accidentally lean over a guy sitting next to you on a train, you don’t turn to him and say “Oh shit.. I’m so sorry, I thought you were a suitcase!”
Hahahahahaha… My Lil’ Manipid did that during our excursion! Haha.. she didn’t realize that she was leaning with her back on a guy until we told her and that’s what she turned and said to him! Lol.
Lesson #14:
When you’re eating pani puri with your friends, it’s advisable not to stuff a HUGE one in your mouth and try to shove it down your throat because your friends will burst out laughing and the pani (the green water thingey) will probably come out through your nose.
In Esha’s case, the pani apparently came out through her eyes.. and this made us laugh even harder! Hahahaha…!
Lesson #15:
When someone's taking a group picture for you and they say "Say cheeeeeese!", the ideal response should be to smile widely and not say "NO" to the person.Chong-chong my darling, that goes out to you! Muah! Lol. Loved your response to the McDonald's guy baby!
Lesson #16:
When you're having yoga classes in school and asked to lie down in 'shavasan' (a posture in yoga that basically just requires one to lie down on the floor!), refrain from falling asleep because everyone around you will sit up when they are asked to and will notice that you have not budged for the past twenty minutes!
Esha!!! I know that you don't want me to mention this here (be glad I'm not mentioning the other stuff!) but this was way too funny! Oh my goodness.. I will never forget that yoga class and the way Misbah had to wake you up!
Well I've learnt a lot more than mentioned above, but as usual, I lose my patience trying to type it all out. Hope this has been an educational and "enlightening" experience for you!
