To begin with, this isn't some self-obsessed blog entry. For my friends who have known me for many years, well...you know most of what I'm about to write, but read it again for the heck of it! For my new friends and readers, let me tell you a little something about what my poor mother had to go through with me as a child. Firstly, I was a VERY annoying and stubborn kid, always throwing temper tantrums and screaming and crying (sheesh..I dunno how they restrained themselves from murdering me!)...my mother and sister tried everything they could to shut me up and calm me down. When none of their methods worked, my mum was so frustrated that she started writing a diary which contains evidence of my "evil-ness"..it also has a few funny incidents! Anyway, all of the following material has been substantiated from her diary (which she now shoves in my face to show me all she had to put up with)!! Read on.This is proof of my treacherous sense of humour, inherent evil in all its innocence and my meta-physical methods of driving those unfortunate enough to be related to me, up the wall. I have included only the best ones (the first few are really innocent).
A few things my mum found funny, hope they make you laugh as well:
March 28th-1993(I was born in 1990):
I had attended someone's funeral and left Devathi with my sister-in-law. When I returned, she told me not to ever visit the funeral house again and when asked why, she said, "If you go there, you will also die". She talked so much even when she was just two and a half years old.
August 10th-1993 :
Devathi was reciting the alphabets. From 'C' she went directly to 'U', 'V' and 'W'. When I asked her what happened to the rest of the alphabets, she said that they all died.
October 6th-1993:
Meghal and Devathi had both gone out by themselves. After they returned, I yelled at her for going off alone without telling me. I asked what would happen if anyone took her away and she said, "See, I have come back home and nobody took me". I was dumbstruck.
October 13th-1993:
For three continuous days, Devathi brought her handkerchief in a muddy state back from school. When asked how she managed to get it so dirty, she replied, "My classroom tables are very dirty...so I clean them with my hanky".
November 10th-1993:
Devathi was playing around on the bed with a pencil in her hand. I told her not to do so as she may accidentally poke her eyes, and she replied saying, "Its alright! I'll poke my eyes, shut them, go out on the road and beg people by saying - Amma thaye, give me some money. I haven't eaten in four days".
November 18th-1993:
I had to buy some snacks for Devathi for her to take to school. Her dad gave me money in small notes. On the way to the shop, she asked, "Mummy, why did you take all of Daddy's money? If everything gets over, what will happen to us?".
January 4th-1994:
Devathi's dad was singing "Jingle Bells" while washing his face. She tugged on his shirt and said, " Daddy, you are not a small baby to sing that song. If you want to sing it, then go and sit in my classroom".
January 19th-1994:
My friend, Dr. Rhenu, had come home with her family. After she left, Devathi said to me, "Mummy, your friend is not a doctor like you said. She came with a purse instead of an injection".
January 29th-1994:
This morning my daughter said to me, "Mummy, I'll give you all the money I have in my piggy bank". On asking why she replied, "You ask Daddy for money everyday and you like money. That's why!".
February 8th-1994:
Devathi was given cough syrup by her dad and he asked her to lick the spoon when she was done. She curtly replied, "This is not a lollypop".
March 4th-1994:
We were coming home from Renu's house and Devathi wanted to go to her friend, Sohan's house. Her dad asked her the direction and she said, "Daddy, from my school you should go straight and then in a sleeping line".
March 20th-1994:
Devathi and I were watching a Tamil movie together. In one scence, the villain is pulling away a girl's saree and she tries running away, while calling out to a goddess's statue. After this, the saree on the goddess flies to her. Seeing this, Devathi looked up and sais, "If you also pray to God, God will give you new sarees".
April 14th-1994:
Devathi said suddenly, "Mum, I've got very little money in my piggy bank. If I grow big, you will become small and I have to buy you a lot of chocolates and I need lots of money".
June-1994:
We were sitting in the balcony when Devathi said to her dad, "Please get a new mummy. Let this one die and you bring a new one from the shop". Her dad asked how he'd know which one to buy and she replied, "Her name is Nancy. She won't beat me and neither will she fight with you".
August-1994:
Devathi's dad had bought her snacks for school the next day and she wanted to eat it before dinner. I refused, saying that my husband had bought it for me and she said, "First he's MY daddy, and only then he's your husband".
February-1995:
Mahathi was learning for her board exams in her room. I was sitting in the same room with Devathi and after a while,
she started to make a lot of noise which annoyed her sister and was asked to get out of the room. Angrily, she replied, "This is not your room and you did not build this house".
April 11th-1995:
We had taken Devathi to Manipal Hospital for her booster dose of polio and triple antigen. Dr. Mohan Rao asked her if she wanted a "pain" or a "no pain" injection. All she said was, "I don't want ANY injection". The doctors and assistant doctors in the room burst out laughing.
May-1996:
Devathi was dancing away to a song in my mother's room and she told the others (Trisha, Vicky and Nishanth), "See..even Michael Jackson can't dance like me"!
April-1997:
We were watching Bay Watch and there was a kissing scene. Devathi covered her dad's eyes and told him tat he should not be watching all this.
March-1998:
Devathi was grumbling about how her friend's dad got her everything she wanted on the same day and took her wherever she wanted on the same day as well. She was angry that her father wasn't taking her for a movie though she had asked many times already. I told her that I would give her up for adoption to someone like her friend's dad and this was her curt reply: "Why should I go? You divorce and marry someone like Sarah's dad".
April-2001:
Devathi's older sister wanted to learn to cook something every Sunday. On hearing about this, she went to her sister and pleaded, "Please cook only when I'm not at home. I don't want to be poisoned. Socrates was 70 years old when he died and I'm not even half his age".
This is one incident that my sister told me about:
She was telling me a story which began like this, "A man walked into a room.." and I cut her short by continuing, "..and the fan fell on his head". Hahaha...evil wasn't I?
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VOILA! Bring on the tantrums!!!
My mum wrote-
"Devathi had been a troublesome child from birth. She had spent only one night at the nursery. Mahathi requested the doctor to let her stay in the room with us and she agreed. The nurse was glad and relieved as she said that she had had enough of the noisy baby fir one night. Thus began the tantrums"
May-1991:
I was returning from Chennai with Mahathi and Devathi by the Brindavan Express. At Katpadi, Devathi started to cry aloud. One lady said that she must be feeling hot. I took off her dress but her crying never ceased. I requested a man for his window seat for the breeze, but that didn't work either. Mahathi carried her and walked her up and down the aisle, but in vain. A little child in the compartment offered her a sweet, but that didn't work either. I was nearly in tears and didn't know what to do. Finally exhausted after three hours of persistent crying, Devathi stopped crying and went to sleep. The whole compartment sighed and people were commenting saying, "This baby cried for sooo long". This was a very embarrassing situation.
May-1992:
This incident seems a continuation of last year's train incident. This time, we three (Mahathi, Devathi and I) were returning to Bangalore from Secunderbad. It was a night journey. At 10.30 in the night, when we were all getting ready to sleep, Devathi said that she wanted to go to her "daddy" and asked us to get off the moving train at once. No amount of pacifying would silence her. One lady offered me a tablet that would put her to sleep but I blankly refused. I was very much embarrassed and annoyed because her crying was keeping all the passengers awake. Till midnight, she cried relentlessly and a fat woman in a salwar had come to find out the reason behind the racket. At this moment she stopped crying. Taking advantage of the situation, I explained to her that the lady would take her away if she resumed crying...and the crying stopped.
February-1994:
Devathi had fallen in school and her knee was injured. After bath, she started to jump about. In all her wild tantrums, she would jump about as if possessed and call me foul names. Today she asked me why I gave her a bath because all the mud from the wound had been washed away. Very angry, I asked the servant to go get mud from the road to put on her wound (I couldn't take it anymore!). For that she started her tantrum afresh, saying that she didn't want mud from the road, but only that from the exact place where she fell.
Another one of my mum's entries:
Why doesn't this child die? I cannot handle her anymore and feel she is possessed. Why am I being mentally tortured by this accursed child? She troubles only me and doesn't go to anyone else. Will I ever find a solution? I don't have the strength, physical or mental, to bear up to her tantrums. Nothing seems to work- soft words, beatings, cold water being splashed on her face...nothing!
August-1994:
I don't think there are any more tantrums from Devathi. She has stopped giving me trouble and has become an angel. On July 30th, she was admitted in the hospital as she suffered from inflammation inside the rectum. She had apparently suffered it for two months and we neglected. She spent many days in the hospital, but now her motion tests and culture show no problem. For four years I had grumbled about her, but now I'm glad and feel rewarded for my patience.
Haha..she spoke too soon! Read on...
October-1996:
Today evening she was acting funny without sleeping in the afternoon. I told her that I'd call her dad and she replied that I needn't call him to beat her. With this, she started to hurt herself, slap her own cheeks and bite her fingers hard.
And it keeps going...I really don't have any more patience to type all of it and I'm sure you don't have the patience to read it. So I should congratulate you now...you have just survived through this! Until the next time.....
Signing off Problem Child.
[To be continued due to popular demand *sigh*]
