How to Save a (Social) Life

                Is your right eye twitching? Do you often fantasize about flying squirrels and talking tortillas? Can you see dead people? Just asking.

                Moving on, this note is for those who have been unceremoniously ditched and stingingly disowned by their friends for perpetually having exams. ‘You don’t have time for us anymore,’ they complain and ‘You have turned into such a nerd,’ they whine. Little do they know that in the non-existent recuperation time that we get in between fresh cycles of internals, we (specifically referring to the people who landed up doing science, medicine or engineering rather than some fun course) are burdened with an insurmountable  amount of work in the form of seemingly endless lab records, assignments, seminars, and slave labour. All of this has resulted in the sad demise of any semblance that we had to a social life (having 3200 friends on Facebook and an overly active Wall doesn’t count).

                I, however, like to think that every problem has a solution. In a truly altruistic manner, I sacrificed some sleep during class hours to ponder over this nagging issue. Most parents and teachers in general don’t believe in the concept of a social life. They are living relics from an era where marks were the be all and end all of a student’s life. Never mind something as petty as a social life because, of course, it can wait till after we’re through with college. And once we’re through with college, it can wait till after we find a job (good marks will obviously get us great jobs), get married, make babies, make more babies, and grow so old that even Neanderthals would stir uncomfortably in their graves. You can go right ahead and play by their rules, or you could let me help you.

How to Save Your Social Life:

1.       Pay your friends by the hour to hang out with you - an offer they cannot refuse.

2.       Drop out of college. No college = no exams. Education is just overrated anyway.

3.       Get other people to do your work so that you may go out and party with your friends. This is where being nice and having an irresistible smile help.

4.       Get adopted by extremely wealthy parents by putting yourself on the illegal market. That way you don’t really have to study/work, which leaves you with more time to spend with friends. Paris Hilton makes being a socialite seem like a real job, so why can’t you?

5.       In desperate times, if you think your old social life is far out of reach, start over and create a new one. How? Hang out with your teachers and their families.

6.       If all else fails, create a bunch of imaginary friends who will keep you company.

Run along now, kids. Go out and play.

P.S. The fact that you’re reading this note doesn’t say much about your social life either.