Babies – love ‘em or hate ‘em, you just can’t ignore them; especially not when your cousins spawn ‘em little evil cretins in large numbers, making them impossible to keep track of, leave alone recognize as your nieces and nephews.
Why is it so hard for new parents to understand that nobody gives a flying f*ck about their precious little bundle of joy? Of course, the only exceptions to this would be grandparents and perhaps other new parents.
“She can say ‘yousuck’ now... She means to say ‘food’... how endearing!” [With adults going all ‘googoogaga’ and ‘wooshywooshysquishywishy’ on babies, it’s no wonder that it takes them so long to learn how to talk; and even when they do, it’s just misinterpreted]
“Oh, he has a bad nappy rash.”
Really. Who the heck cares? Not me.
Like Manoj Jacob once rightly said, he should start saying “Congratulations!” instead of “Are you keeping it?” When I see my new born nieces and nephews, I inevitably have to make a great effort not to scrunch my nose up in disgust or prod them like dissection specimens on display. What is so charming about babies, I fail to understand. Calling them God’s gift and all is just overdoing it, no?
Babies are babies. They poop, cry, sleep, cry, eat, poop, cry and bite. When they’re parents are done talking about how their babies pooped, cried, ate and slept, they ramble on about all the new things they’ve learnt – saying “woof woof” or crawling or walking or whatever on earth it is that all human babies do in progression. And when all that is done with and their kids go to school, parents are busy showing their kids off – My son is a class topper and gets straight A’s all the time – in an endless rat race to see whose kid is smarter, cuter, more athletic, and what not.
Didn’t I tell you to use condoms? Now look what you’ve done.
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